Holidays can really set back your road to recovery back quite a way. No other time of the year are we so vividly reminded of what our old family life was like. Good bad or otherwise, the traditions, the parties visited with our spouses, are embedded in our memories. When children are involved this is amplified by not only mourning the loss of your ex and life with them, but coming to terms with the fact that 1 in 2 holidays you will probably not be with your children, and possibly could be alone.
As saddenning as this can be especially initially, it’s important to actively learn and work on enjoying the Holidays, even if it isn’t exactly like it used to be.
1. Change is NOT always bad, focus on the positives, maybe you had an extended family you didn’t enjoy being with, maybe your ex made work holiday parties miserable. Maybe Holidays financially stressed you out, what ever it was, now is the opportunity to redo you, including a Holiday that you can actually enjoy.
2. Children do not really have as strong as sense of exact dates and what the Holidays are as we do, use this to your advantage, what if you celebrate Christmas or any Holiday as on December 27th? Chances are your children won’t mind and if like mine will actually think it is pretty cool to have 2 entire Christmas Days.
3. Now is also the chance to plan new Holiday traditions with your children, why do exactly what your ex does for Hanukkah, when you can put your new spin on it, something that your children will learn to love and look forward to. A new unique menu to your new single parent family.
4. Throw your other single or divorced friends a party or evening, actively doing anything positive is a great tool for the holiday season.
5. Volunteer, volunteering over the Holidays always resets your perspective and, makes you much more grateful for all the possibilities and options we have.
6. Take a trip- why not if you are child free and have time off work for the Holidays, take that opportunity to explore, the world is a beautiful place.
7. Reach out to friends and family, invite them places, the Holidays are a great time to spend time with loved ones, when we are married we often have to split time between two families and locations, but now as a divorcee, you can make up some of that time with your own people.
Holidays really don’t have to be negative after divorce, just because they are different could in fact make them in some ways better eventually. If you are really struggling also remember there are many support groups online to help through this trying time. Like our DreamsRecycled Facebook group..
Happy New Better Holidays To You All!
Tiffany Ann Beverlin