Kimberly had finally put her divorce behind her. She had gone back to school to earn that additional certification she wanted which allowed her to get the promotion at work. She had worked with a life coach to gain clarity on issues surrounding her divorce. She was feeling confident and happy and ready to move forward. She had joined an online dating site and was enjoying meeting new people. She recently met a guy, Chris. She thought there might be a future together. He was funny, attractive, and had a stable job. There was definitely chemistry between them. Yet, there were a few signs that were troubling her. Should she continue to see him?
If you’re dating and you see the following signs in your new person, it may be time to tell them to hit the road before you get too involved. By heeding these signs early in the relationship, you’ll save yourself heartache later.
- They are rude to wait staff
They are dismissive to the waiter. They are rude to the waitress when she forgot to bring the water. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it may be indicative of an attitude of superiority. They may have a sense of entitlement. This kind of person may not be sensitive to your needs and to the needs of others.
- They downgrades marriage
You notice during conversations about your married friends that they becomes defensive and makes comments that remark about how stupid it is to get married. Or they states they will never marry again and that marriage “is just a piece of paper”. This is suggestive of larger commitment issues and a lack of respect for the institute of marriage. If your long-term plans are to get married again or to be in a committed relationship, then this persons values are not aligned to yours.
- They are is self-absorbed
You have started to note that they doesn’t seem to really listen or remember what you’ve told them. They talks about themselves A LOT. When you’re talking, they manages to turn the conversation back to what they thinks and want. Pursuing a relationship with this person will only leave you broken-hearted as they won’t be willing to think of your needs and desires.
- They talks badly about children
They tells you they don’t like kids. They make disparaging remarks about their nieces and nephews and how annoying they are. If you’re a mom, dad or you want kids in the future, take this sign seriously. They are is not family orientated, so move on to someone who is fond of children and shares your values.
- They bad mouths their mother or father
If they complain about their parents a lot, they may have an unhealthy attitude towards family. The parent/child relationship is an important one and leads to healthy romantic relationships. If they don’t not have a healthy relationship with their parents they may have relationship intamacy issues.
- They are obsessed with their parents
On the other hand, if they talk constantly about their family and spends a lot of time texting them, especially during your dates, they may have boundary issues. While this seems endearing at first, if the relationship with their family does not have appropriate limits, this could be harmful to the person who wishes to enter a relationship with him.
- They bad mouths their ex
You’re on a date and he/she makes a negative comment about his/her ex. Then, another comment that makes you cringe. You realize that some relationships end badly, but his/her words are sending up little red flags. When a man/women is constantly blaming his/her ex for all his problems, it’s a clue that they don’t take accountability for their own life and that he/she may have some issues , in general. .
- They seems overly concerned with money
While a person who is flashing cash and spending lavishly on expensive dinners may seem financially stable, watch how he/she speaks about work and money. If you notice that they discusses work often and he is overly focused on financial successes, this may be symptom that they values money over people or relationships.
- They buries their head in their phone
When you are out on a date, you expect the person to listen attentively and be responsive as you get to know each other. If they can’t give you a few minutes of attention without the phone ringing or they are unable to stop checking for texts on your first few dates, run from this one! Think of the little attention you’ll receive in the future. This is just plain rude. (And take note people, you should be courteous and respectful by laying off the technology as well during your dates!)
Luckily, Kimberly heeded the warning signs and let Chris go. She followed her intuition before she invested her heart too deeply. So if you’re dating and you see any of these signs, think very carefully before you continue in the relationship.
Terrie L. Vanover
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